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© Career Builder, 2007,
www.careerbuilder.com
A study at the Stanford University School of Business tracked a group of
MBAs 10 years after they graduated. The result? Grade point averages had
no bearing on their success - but their ability to converse with others
did.
Being able to connect with others through small talk can lead to big
things, according to Debra Fine, author of 'The Fine Art of Small Talk.' A
former engineer, Fine recalls being so uncomfortable at networking events
that she would hide in the restroom. Now a professional speaker, Fine says
the ability to connect with people through small talk is an acquired
skill.
Fine and her fellow authorities on schmoozing offer the following tips for
starting - and ending - conversations:
1. As you prepare for a function, come up with three things to talk about
as well as four generic questions that will get others talking. If you've
met the host before, try to remember things about her, such as her passion
for a sport or a charity you're both involved in.
2. Be the first to say "hello." If you're not sure the other person will
remember you, offer your name to ease the pressure. For example, "Charles
Bartlett? Lynn Schmidt ... good to see you again." Smile first and always
shake hands when you meet someone.
3. Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember
names and use them frequently.
4. Get the other person talking by leading with a common ground statement
regarding the event or location and then asking a related open-ended
question. For example, "Attendance looks higher than last year, how long
have you been coming to these conventions?" You can also ask them about
their trip in or how they know the host.
5. Stay focused on your conversational partner by actively listening and
giving feedback. Maintain eye contact. Never glance around the room while
they are talking to you.
6. Listen more than you talk.
7. Have something interesting to contribute. Keeping abreast of current
events and culture will provide you with great conversation builders,
leading with "What do you think of ...?" Have you heard ...?" What is your
take on ...?" Stay away from negative or controversial topics, and refrain
from long-winded stories or giving a lot of detail in casual conversation.
8. If there are people you especially want to meet, one of the best ways
to approach them is to be introduced by someone they respect. Ask a mutual
friend to do the honors.
9. If someone hands you a business card, accept it as a gift. Hold it in
both hands and take a moment to read what is written on it. When you're
done, put it away in a shirt pocket, purse or wallet to show it is valued.
10. Watch your body language. People who look ill at ease make others
uncomfortable. Act confident and comfortable, even when you're not.
11. Before entering into a conversation that's already in progress,
observe and listen. You don't want to squash the dynamics with an unsuited
or ill-timed remark.
12. Have a few exit lines ready, so that you can both gracefully move on.
For example, "I need to check in with a client over there," "I skipped
lunch today, so I need to visit the buffet," or you can offer to refresh
their drink.
When should you exit a conversation? According to Susan RoAne, author and
speaker known as the "Mingling Maven," your objective in all encounters
should be to make a good impression and leave people wanting more. To do
that, she advises: "Be bright. Be brief. Be gone."
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